I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she looked like the before picture.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
