I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
