Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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