I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
