So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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