you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize