So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize