Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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