I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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