see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize