I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
