i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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