We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
