So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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