Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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