I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
