guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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