Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
