I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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