Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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