he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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