dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
