Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
