if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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