Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
