And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
