its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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