the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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