did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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