My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
