i just wanna soil my oats bro
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
