theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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