Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
