He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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