This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two words: eviction party
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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