this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
