I accidentally had phone sex last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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