MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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