The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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