Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
