He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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