ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
