I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
