I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
