You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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