Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
