Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
