This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
