Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
