So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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