Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
