Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
