so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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