TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
