this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
