At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
