can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
