she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
