I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
