I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This house was built for laser tag.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
