A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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