Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
