last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
