Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't deserve a penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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