What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
