it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
