I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
