Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
