called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
