But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
