I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
