sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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