I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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