if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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