So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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