turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
