im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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